A New Year

Posted on Posted in Cavernous Angioma

I am feeling so melancholy. Maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s more than that. I know for certain that I’m frustrated with my communication skills. I can have the best intentions but I go to bed almost every night remembering another email I should’ve sent, another call I should have made, another friend I didn’t reach out to. It’s only January 11, and already I’ve broken my New Year’s resolution. I resolved this year to be nicer to myself. To understand that maybe there are just some things I’m not able to do. And so I resolved to be more patient with myself. And yet I find myself as frustrated as ever.

I was also hoping to start a new position as the January 1, but they are not ready for me yet. I so wanted to be able to tell everyone all about this new adventure, but instead I have to wait a while longer.

Today is our anniversary, it was five years ago today that Dave and I were up in Mammoth, California. I can still picture the cabin in the woods and banks of snow all around. We wanted to get married on 1/11/11, and so we eloped to a courthouse in Bridgeport, California. It turned out to be the 2nd oldest working courthouse in the US.500px-Bridgeport,_California_Historic_Court_House,_Main_Street_-_August_2012












Such a gorgeous building! We both had no idea of its rich history. The rest of the trip was spent in Mammoth, California. It was so snowy, but we had a great time. I am including a picture of us in a ski lift that was soon shut down because of heavy snows that day.


We returned to our apartment in Toluca Lake on January 13, 2011. I went to the Humane Society that afternoon, and we adopted Nix. We’ve been a family ever since.

To think about all the fun times we’ve had traveling, and all the amazing people we’ve had the chance to meet. I’m very grateful for those times. It makes times like these all the more frustrating when I think about how easy reaching out to people used to be. But now I find that I can’t multitask at all. It’s more of a one-handed thing, then a brain thing. When I am on the phone, I have it in my left hand and I am not able to type or write with my right. When someone tries to give me a phone number while I’m talking to them, unless I set the phone down, I am not able to take a message. I’ve tried multiple types of headsets, and people constantly say they can’t understand me. I’ve also tried to have a clip that holds my phone up but it does not work either. It bothers me a lot when people tell me they can’t understand me. I am told that I shouldn’t let it bother me, but it’s mine to be bothered by. By that I mean I don’t want people to be  ‘ok’ with me slurring. And while I would rather not slur at all, I work so hard to try to talk that I don’t want to have anyone putting up with less than understandable speech. That makes any sense at all?!

Maybe I will have better luck with the goals I set for this year. I want to be able to drive better, and get to and from the vehicle. I have a goal of walking with a cane to and from the vehicle, but I’m not so sure anymore that the goal is achievable. The eye surgery I had the second week of December has given me the ability to read with my right eye, and correct the blurred double vision in my left peripheral vision. I had so much success, I’ve been able to see Star Wars three times.

I have yet to test my vision on the roads. But it’s been pretty cold and icy this January. I’ll have to try my skills when it gets a little warmer. For now were off to eat dinner out. But where to go, there are so many new places in Rochester, it’s hard to decide.

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